Depends who it is, and what and why, right?
I've always been on the "light attachment side," myself. I've moved so frequently I never really got attached to places. Stuff, things hold little meaning to me. Was never especially sentimental.
I even found myself feeling kind of easy/breezy about how people came and went in my life, and, in particular regarding romance. I prided myself on being the queen of the abrupt break-up. Get while the going's good, and never, ever look back.
After my second divorce, I came up with a self-deprecating little quip that went something like this,
"I suck at marriage. But I'm GREAT at divorce." Funny? Maybe not so much.
At the time, I thought I was strong. I thought I was tough.
Now, so many years and so much independence later, I see things differently. I've learned some things.
Being tough and breezy on the outside was just about being scared on the inside. It was never letting anyone/thing get too close, because then I could stand to let them go when the time came.
It was not trusting my heart to be strong enough, about not trusting myself to handle whatever came my way.
This is what I know now:
Our hearts are amazing, powerful, resilient little beasts. They are designed to be broken, even shattered and to come back full-throttle even stronger. There is really no limit to the reach and depth of the human heart.
I've learned that we can trust our hearts to take care of us- when they nudge us to open up and love, it's safe, it's an opportunity. I didn't say easy, or painless, I said safe. The truth is- the more soft and open and vulnerable we can be in our heart space, the stronger we are, the safer we are. Sounds paradoxical, right?
But soft and open and pliable endures, while sharp and shiny and brittle splinters. We can stop worrying about being right or looking foolish and just offer the love we feel, without strings, as a gift.
We can offer ourselves that love first, and really show up for ourselves in a deep, loving way. It means we hold our heads up high. We breathe deep into our soft, beating hearts. We stand behind ourselves and hold our own hand. We hold pure, utter belief in our own value. We don't mince words when it comes to telling the truth about who we are or what we need.
And sometimes, that truth means we need to walk away. We let go with love.
We trust. We let the sadness and the tears happen. We watch our heart shift and pulse and change shape.
And we keep breathing. And we realize how strong and soft we really are.
And there's the real lesson, the gift.
All turns at love enrich us. Our hearts will turn toward the sun and open like a giant hibiscus soon enough. They were born to bloom.
2 comments:
A valuable lesson, an important reminder. Well said!
How interesting that what you have figured out seems to slip between two worlds.
I think for the most part the folks who are tough and breezy rarely realize they are scared. They don't let others get too close but they believe they are making a choice and that that's the wisest course of action and that they are strong, never realizing that fear might be their motivator. It doesn't seem like 'tough and breezy' usually pairs with acute emotional insight.
And then for people like me who to get attached to people and places and things, I certainly never think of that SAFE! It always seems risky and I'm usually mad and surprised about getting hurt. And I don't think that I could say my love is without strings? I have strings! But making that shift to giving love as a gift sure feels better and makes an end run around that hurt. And viewing loving as keeping us pliable and soft and enduring really keeps the focus on the lovER not the lovEE. "Love openly because it's good for YOU, the receiver notwithstanding." Remaining vulnerable is protection. Yes, CERTAINLY paradoxical. I have enjoyed this post- puts a smile on my face.
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